Summerfest ’14 Observations

What more can be said about the world’s largest music festival that hasn’t already been said? Probably nothing worthwhile, but here’s my two cents anyway.

If you’re going to eat at Summerfest, eat a Saz’s Sampler. Mozzarella sticks, cheese curds, and chive fries – a pile of fried golden goodness for you and a friend to share. Obviously Tara and I get our own so we don’t have to share.


Whilst filling your face and trying not to drip marinara on your shorts (mission impossible) take a moment to do some people watching. This years focus group? Old guys. This demographic – not generally known for their fashion sense – doesn’t fail to live up to that standard at Summerfest but gets an A for effort. Some go with the beach vacation souvenir shirt that proves they know how to party (woman in bikini on it a plus for the creepster level boost). Then you’ve got the dress loafers with no socks and a nice pair of khaki shorts guy – fine I guess – if you like your feet sweating and smelling like balls.SocklessLoafersUp top it’s usually a button down floral print shirt that says, “I let loose, but not too much because I’m a business man.” The pièce de résistance of any man over 50’s wardrobe is the “Old Guys Rule” t shirt – there is nothing I can say about those beyond stating the fact that not only do they exist but they are oddly popular. (Peruse the large selection here.) I count the years until I can wear one and embarrass the crap out of my family.

Other random observations include, David Gruber walking past with a bright red shirt and bright white sport coat. Way to fight that scumbag lawyer image with a classy wardrobe Dave. He also accessorized with a bodyguard two steps behind him. I suppose he needs it…I mean, I kinda wanted to punch him in the face.

There was this guy (duplicated many times around the grounds).

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Dude, your haircut is the mullet of our generation. If everyone isn’t openly mocking you now, they will be in 20 years. Have fun with that.

Certain members of the fairer sex, not to be outdone by the above look, opts for the half shaved head. (A popular choice amongst hipsters and their offshoot groups). This is quite possibly the worst thing ever. I refuse to share imagery.

Proving that I may actually already be an old guy myself, I had never heard any Five Finger Death Punch prior to spending some time in line for a drink near their stage. My take? To quote Dennis Green, “they are who we thought they were”. Favorite quote from the stage was, “Anyone see Lady Gaga last night?” (Mostly silence with a smattering of boos.) “Well, I call her Lady Goo Goo.” I didn’t get it but was extremely disappointed in the lacklusterness of the insult considering the stream of obscenities that had been previously used to pump up the crowd.

And that’s it. Oh yeah, we saw some good music too but that’s not why you’re here.