We’re gonna need a plunger


Yeah, that’s gross but check out the size of this toilet! I used my leg/foot for reference in the photo because I didn’t want to actually sit on it even though that would have been a way better picture.

The V-Neck: Cool or Tool?


As summer has apparently come early this year, I’ve been using the ol’ t-shirt collection more than usual. And while I think my pile of souvenir t-shirts from around the country is still pretty awesome, occasionally I figure I better dad it up and dress more maturely. So last time we were at Target I was looking through the plain colored t-shirts – a classic choice I supposed. Anyway, one side of the shelf had crew necks and the other had v-necks. I’ve always been leery of the V, it just didn’t seem right for a dude to wear one (no offense to those that do – unless it’s a deep V – then a little offense). But anyway, as I perused the t-shirts I thought to myself maybe I’ll give the V a try. Not necessarily because I think it’s cool in the aesthetic sense of the word but because I think it might be cooler in the temperature sense of it. It’s like when you cook a microwave burrito and they tell you to tear the end of the package to let the steam out – maybe the V will be like that little tear and it will let out the unreasonable amount of body heat I produce in summer. We’ll see!

Fitness Made Stupid


So I’m trying to lose that pesky baby weight I put on when Tara was pregnant with Beckett. And if you know me, you might know I’m a bit of a sucker for “as seen on tv” products and other such easy way outs. Now I’m not saying the Ab-Lounge in my basement won’t give me a new place to do my laundry (washboard abs for those of you not keeping up) – it totally could. But, it also might be much better suited to what I like to think of as stretching my back – although most people would describe it as reclining. So I’m not going to rely on the quick fixes this time around, even if I desperately want the Total Gym if for no other reason than that Chuck Norris is awesome. Instead, I downloaded an App for my iPhone called “iMapMyFitness” so I could go on walks at lunch and track my distance, time, and speed. I tried it out today with a brisk walk to Target. I was feeling good when I got there but whilst power walking past the women’s intimates I could feel the snack aisle beckoning (and no that’s not a metaphor). I proudly skipped over the good tasting snacks and grabbed some Market Pantry 100 Calorie Pack Chocolate Chip Cardboards – err cookies. To drink, I found a reduced calorie Citrus Lemongrass Naked Juice. I was at the front checkouts now on pace for a 33 minute mile – the pounds were literally dropping off. Feeling ashamed of my womanly purchases I asked for a bag and was on my way. I made it back to work averaging 4 mph (much of that due to my 100yd dash across 6 lanes of traffic to avoid the extra half block walk to the stoplights) and after a whopping .96 miles I was back at my desk. I ate my 100 calorie pack (bleh) and chugged my juice (200 calories). I picked up my phone to see that the fitness app was showing I burned 72 calories – leaving me 228 in the hole. Awesome. Screw it, somebody bring me a cheeseburger.

The Perfect Excuse For Everything?


The resident old guy in the office shared his prescription info with me today. He got a real kick out of it – and so did I. It looks like a dose of Restoril is basically a get out of jail free card for just about whatever you do. It could also make for an interesting morning with your significant other (or an ill-timed house guest). Husbands might be tempted to slip this to their wives; if you’re lucky, 2 of the 5 side effects might result – and having a meal cooked for you would be the only one I’ll mention here.

I would love to hear some of the phone calls Dr.’s have received when “you find out that you have done any of the above activities.”