I had to take a “Minamalism” class at work this week. As I sat there thinking about how I would like to minimize my time in that class, I saw my name on the table and started thinking about minimizing that instead. If you took out 3 extraneous letters in my last name (the C, one E, and the U) it would obviously be way simpler for everyone involved.  I think the time savings would really add up. Every time I call a bank, or a doctor, or any other service related person, approximately the following conversation takes place:

Them:  Can I please have your last name?

Me:  Yes, it’s Scheuerman, let me spell it for you, S-C-H-E-U-E-R-M-A-N

(If I make it through spelling it out with out them interrupting, it goes on)

Them:  Long pause…I’m not finding that in the system, are you sure you’re registered?

Me: Yes, are you sure you spelled my name right?

Them:  Yes, I have S-C-H-U-R-M-A-N

So that usually goes on back and forth for awhile, and ok, I get it, it’s a tricky name. But what gets me is that they never think it is possible they mis-spelled my name, no, in their mind it seems that it is way more likely that I spelled it wrong the first time I gave it to them. And when they tell me it isn’t in the system, I’m going to suddenly tell them, “Oh yes, silly me, I’m calling you about my credit card but I forgot how my last name is spelled because I’m five years old.”

Anyway, I don’t really want to change my name – to channel Michael Bolton in Office Space – they’re the ones who suck, why should I have to change it.

So, in the spirit of my ironically long minimalism class, I’ll end this post.